you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
