I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
