sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
