All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
