Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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