That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
