and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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