Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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