Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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