and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
