so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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