i was born a porn star she said
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
