Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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