mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
