Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
