I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
