i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
