I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
