All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
