hotel room ftw
actually, I'm a sock model
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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