My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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