How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
