I wish my penis had an off switch
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
