Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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