He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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