Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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