I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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