I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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