it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
