We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
