sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
