i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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