Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
