only you would photoshop your dick
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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