So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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