Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
