She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm both gender and math confused
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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