Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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