By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
