I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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