Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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