I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
