fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you would pick up someone in the library
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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