I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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