i love accidental penises.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
