So drunk, too bad you don't want this
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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