Are we in a gay sports bar?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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