Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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