I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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