My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
