one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
